HOCICO Interview with "Erik Garcia" & "Oscar Mayorga" at SoundShock.com

Lujhboia - I Hate And You Haven't Realised Yet

Say Just Words - My Final

Now this is what Aggrotech from South America- hell, any continent- is all about. I think even the big names in the scene could take a cue from this guy- excellent work.

SATURDAYS AT CHARLIE'S: Bronson in 'Messenger of Death' (1988)

I'm not promising anything, but I'm going to try to make every Saturday (or every other Saturday) a Charles Bronson night. I just love the guy, and I thought this would be a fun way to go back over some of the great (and not-so-great) movies he did in his long career- this will coincide with my Bronson Amazon completion project, so everytime I get ahold of an old Bronson flick on vhs or dvd for cheap enough, the review will follow shortly. Tonight, I thought I'd quickly go over one of Bronson's more underrated features, 'Messenger of Death.'

If you go into 'Messenger of Death' expecting 'Death Wish IV: The Crackdown' or any of Bronson's more over-the-top 80s output, I can see how you'd be disappointed. However, if you just let go of any preconceptions of what this should be and want to enjoy an above-average thriller, then you'll probably like it much more. This isn't a shoot-'em-up or revenge flick (in the usual sense, anyway) in the traditional sense, but Bronson running around with pad and pencil trying to get answers. He doesn't blow up bad guys with rocket launchers, kill punks in break-dancing gear with big game hunting guns, or eat cabbage soup with old people; he travels around Colorado trying to get answers from Mormons and uncover big, bad corporate conspiracies involving the water company. That said, this is still pretty good Bronson, and seeing Charlie do his thing here makes me even more befuddled that people nowadays think you can replace Bronson with a guy like Jason Statham in, of all roles, 'the Mechanic.' What the fuck is up with that? Anyway, if you've seen 'Kinjite' or '10 to Midnight,' then expect more that type of film- definitely not as fun as a classic like 'Murphy's Law,' but if you need your Bronson fix, this should be your ticket.

DUDAPALOOZA: 'Midnight Ride' (1990)

A dark, murder-filled road trip movie in the spirit of 'The Hitcher' and 'Halloween," 'Midnight Ride' manages to be-paradoxically- one of Michael Dudikoff's darkest films, but also an unintentional comedy thanks largely to the "hammy" Mark "Ham"ill (Star Wars) (okay, okay, lame sense of humor).

The plot of the movie is as follows: Michael Dudikoff plays a guy named Lawson Markman (cool name, huh?), who gets in an argument with his Russian mail order wife (or whatever she was supposed to be), and she runs out on him, and he swears up and down that he'll "have every cop in this city lookin' for you!" in a very creepy way, and spends most of the film chasing after her. While driving, Russian bride Lara picks up the unstable drifter, Justin (Mark Hamill), who is on his way to see his "best friend." Justin likes to take pictures of things with his polaroid camera. He also likes cutting out people's eyeballs and making it into a beautiful necklace for Lara; he also finds time to set a few people on firel. Along the way, people are strapped to car hoods, eyeballs are cut out, and shoot outs supposed to look "dark" and "scary" are dulled because of completely inappropriate 80s action synthesizer music.

Man, this one was hard. Once again, it's got a lot going for it because of the Dudikoff factor. On the other hand, it's a very different role for him (most of the movie). To be honest, his character is kind of a dick most of the time. I spent much of the first half of the movie wondering who the villain was, Hamill or Dudikoff. I don't know if the script wanted him to come off as passionate and Stanley from 'Streetcar,' but he more just came off as creepy and obsessed like one of those guys who tracks down his wife and kills them or something. That's just my take. Of course, by the end of the movie, he's just plain old likable Mikey, and he saves the day as always. He takes a lot of punishment from Hamill in this- in one scene, he's strapped to the hood of a car while Hamill drives maniacally. He's stabbed, thrown into shit, and just getting his ass kicked (in addition to having a broken foot), and that was kind of hard to swallow, because it's Dudikoff. But anyways.

In all honesty, Mark Hamill steals the show from everyone. He's deliciously cheesy as the crazy Justin, and seems to kill somebody every 10 minutes or so. I guess he was going for a crazy guy who strikes terror into people's hearts, but I just found it more hilarious than anything else. He dresses up like every other scene and is always snapping photos. His facial expressions are almost as hilarious as Dudikoff's at some points, and that's just as important here as the physical: this was a showdown of the faces. I loved the bad, cheesy "evil" faces Hamill made almost as much as Dudikoff's vacant, worried expressions.

'Midnight Ride' is only on VHS, so it might be tough for you to find. Hardcore Dudikoff fans will find it well worth their while. It's a different film for our boy, Duds, but, thankfully, he ditches the creepy "obsessed husband" deal and is just the same big, lovable, "Dudarosa style house" designing, goofball we all know and root for by the end.

'Enter the Ninja' (1981)

When I was a kid I used to love these types of movies. Movies like 'Revenge of the Ninja,' 'Pray for Death,' and this one were all regular staples of my weekend viewing. I had ninja toys, ninja outfits, and daydreamed about ninjas at school. If it had Sho Kosugi or Jackie Chan, I was watching it. 'Enter the Ninja' is largely regarded as one of the films that started the ninja craze in the 80s (and spawned several indirect sequels). It is directed by Menahem Golan, who, along with his cousin, formed the nucleus of the great exploitation studio Cannon films, which gave us a decades worth of awesome fare involving ninjas, Chuck Norris, and Michael Dudikoff.

Franco Nero stars as the ex-Army guy turned ninja Cole, who travels to the Philippines to help his buddy out, who is having trouble with some local unscrupulous businessmen who want him to sell his land. Along the way, Cole saves the day and manages to show himself an honorable ninja by banging his friend's so very hot wife, Mary Ann (Susan George)- to be honest, his friend was practically begging him to, since he "couldn't get it up" for her, due to his recent binge drinking and all. The interplay between Cole (who sports a sweet 'stach) and Mary Ann is hilarious: in one scene, Mary Ann is stroking a big shotgun while staring him down, and asking him if he wants to "come" into town with her in another. Not to be outdone, our hero asks, while being frisked, if she found "anything interesting" down there.

Sho Kosugi co-stars in this; he plays a baddie who isn't really a baddie, just jealous of Cole and overzealous for honor. He's duped by the baddies into thinking he's doing the right thing but he realizes his mistake at the end. Kosugi also choreographed everything- and for an early 80s film, it's typical action, probably on par with Gymkata or the latest Chuck Norris.

The bad guy, played by Christopher George, is very funny in this, and is constantly overacting, raising his voice, and berating his assistant Mr Parker that he "wants his ninja too!" like a 4 year old.

I'd say that this is one of the beginnings of the Cannon formula, one that would propel Golan-Globus to incredible heights into the 80s. If you had a Ninja fest of some kind, this would definitely be included, along with 'American Ninja' and 'Pray for Death.'

'Point Blank' (1998)- w/ Danny Trejo and Mickey Rourke

I'm a big Mickey Rourke guy. He was always one of my favorite actors growing up ('Year of the Dragon' was so off the chain), and even after he became somewhat of a punchline for movie goers (there was a time when Mickey Rourke's name would get mentioned and people would bust out laughing spontaneously), he was still a cool brother in my book. I realize he's making a comeback as of late, and that inevitably involves distancing himself from bullshit like this that he made in the 90s. 'Point Blank' was one of those movies I missed, but I wasn't surprised that he made this, seeing as he co-starred as the head baddie in Jean Claude Van Dammes 'Double Team'around the same time.

This movie was a cringe-inducing shit-fest which I wanted to see solely for the Rourke factor. It sees a 'roided out Rourke as a guy named Rudy Ray, a guy who used to be in the Marine Corps, then quit the Texas Rangers, and now spends most of his time taking growth hormones and working in the hot sun of his ranch. Rudy's brother Joe(played by Kevin Gage), escapes from prison, and now he and a bunch of convicts go hog wild in a Forth Worth, Texas shopping mall. Rourke sneaks into the mall to save his brother before his antics get him hurt.

Rourke, perhaps the finest actor of the Reagan years, speaks maybe 20 lines the entire movie, spending most of his time silently dispensing of baddies like a wannabe John Matrix, complete with Commando vest and that knife that shoots the blade out. Mickey is one of those actors who can make even the poorest material interesting, and he always stands out. Not so here, it's almost as if he's embarrassed to be in this (and can you blame him?), and he doesn't say a lot or really do a whole lot, like he wanted to blend in with the background. In real life, he's a bonafide tough guy- a boxer and Chihuahua enthusiast. He's never came off like a true action hero to me though, and the material of 'Point Blank' doesn't leave him with much to work with except slit bad guys' throats and have completely inappropriate 10 minute emotional scenes with his shot brother in a sewer tunnel.

Because he doesn't do much, he ends up being upstaged in every way by the brilliant and hammy performance of Danny Trejo, who plays the maniacal rapist/murderer Wallace.

Trejo had all the best scenes: from the very beginning, when the convicts get to the Fort Worth shopping mall, he smacks this chick in the face with the butt of his shotgun for no reason; he's constantly sticking his face in blow, and comes up all powdery, like some bad comedy sketch. One of the hostages is this stripper chick who wants some coke, so they both retire to this shower area, and she's all dancing on this pole while Trejo gets all coked out and his nose is all white, all the while cheesy 80s sax/synthesizer music is in the background. When his fellow convicts are worried about the hostage situation, Trejo takes the now topless stripper chick, shouts at the cops, shoots her in the head, and throws her off a balcony. He shouts shit like "Hey! Where are you going with my bitch?!" and "Hey! Fats!" before blowing away this old fat lady hostage and she falls in the wishing fountain. He also has this great shootout with Mickey Rourke where he gets all covered with all kinds of paint, and he's all shirtless and stuff. He does all this while laughing maniacally and making evil faces the entire time (not to mention snorting an entire brick of cocaine), and the result is cinematic gold (for his scenes, at least).

The movie itself is a typical B, DTV, paint-by-numbers 'Die Hard'/'Con Air' rip-off, and the supporting characters and baddies are just as generic: it seems every convict here besides Trejo was in the wrong place at the wrong time; the Texas cops are stupid and a waste, even though one of them is named 'Hardwood.' The chick, Tracy (Nina Sawell) is pretty hot, but she doesn't hook up with anybody, and all she does is give Trejo's gun a blow job and bond emotionally with the wimpy thief convict. I'd say the production quality of this was just a little above that of 'Chained Heat 2,' and that's not saying much. Everything looked cheap, badly lit, and nobody except Trejo looked like they wanted to be there.

I can't really recommend this, but Danny Trejo was pretty hilarious, so you might wanna take a chance and put it on the Roku box for that. But otherwise, pass.

Die Braut - Crucificado

A female Hocico from Chile?! Yes, please! 'World of Lies'- what a great album!

'Forced Vengeance' (1982)

Helmed by 'The Enforcer' director James Fargo, 'Forced Vengeance' is a typical early 80s revenge flick starring Chuck Norris as Josh Randall, a guy employed as a casino security guard, and who thinks he has a penchant for narrating his own life and the shenanigans he gets mixed up in.

Josh is a good guy, an ex special ops/vietnam vet dude (what else?) who now lives in Hong Kong and works for a father and son who own a casino. Poor Josh does a good job, but people seem to enjoy messing with and stepping on his precious cowboy hat, and this doesn't make him very happy. There are much roundhouse kicks to the face when this happens. When his employers are killed by rival casino owners (!), Josh goes on a systematic rampage through the streets of HK, and kicks the shit out of the baddies wearing the tightest Chuck Norris action jeans you can buy.

Wow, remind me that I DO NOT want to go to work in the casino security business in Hong Kong, what with the rival owners killing each other all the time. Like I said, this was a typical film for the time (think 'Pray for Death,' 'the Octagon,' 'Enter the Ninja'), and the action is quite brutal with much red paint. Norris totally blows as an actor, but all we really wanna see him do at the end of the day is roundhouse kick people in the face while wearing tight jeans and cowboy boots, and we're not let down here.

Lots of deaths, blood, brutal rape, and slow, sloppy fights- it seems like almost everyone but Chuck dies in this-, but I still found this enjoyable enough to stay awake. Not much to chuckle at really, except for Chuck dressing up in his soldier outfit at the end. Him narrating his own life was a nice touch too. I just wish there was something more redeeming to recommend this for, like Chuck saving a puppy in the rain in slow motion; but alas, no. Maybe the bad fight scene at the end where the baddie is fighting Chuck with the toilet he ripped out of the floor? Hmmm... Okay, there was lots to chuckle at here.

You couldn't make this movie today, really. To quote Dean Devlin, the 80s was like "the wild west for action movies," you could get away with anything; and you're not gonna see stuff like this in a Statham or Bourne movie.

Overall, 'Forced Vengeance' wasn't as boring as some of his other late 70s/early 80s crap, but if you like this type of movie, I'd recommend 'Lone Wolf McQuade' or 'A Force of One' instead, which are the high marks for his early stuff. This was about a year or two before the Cannon (read: golden) years, so viewer beware if you're looking for an 'Invasion USA' or 'Code of Silence' caliber bad action movie.

'Full Impact' (1993)

Gary Daniels has been in fare that ranges from pretty decent to astonishingly crappy. While this is one of his weaker efforts, it's nowhere near the caliber of bullshit like 'Black Friday.'

'Full Impact', aka 'American Streetfighter 2', is "no budget" in the strictest sense of the term: it looks like they filmed without audio syncronization and dubbed it later- and I'm not joking. People's mouths move, but the words spoken on screen don't match. This does make for some chuckles, especially the voice of the guy playing Daniels' cop friend telling him to stay out of the case. You almost feel they were making up the story as they went along, and wrote much of the dialog later. The camera work is often murky, out of focus, and shaky. As for the acting and story- it ranges from mediocre to just terrible. I have a theory that the people who fund these Gary Daniels movies put most of the meager budget they had into creating decent-looking video covers (and that says something about how bad this movie looks and feels), hoping to sucker the bad DTV kickboxing Tom, Dick and Jane into renting it. The covers of 'Black Friday' and 'Firepower' kind of confirm this in my mind.

'Full Impact' starts with a truly laughable kata performed by Daniels at various locations, like the train tracks and at the public park. I hate to keep telling you I'm serious, but I am. It's that bad. From the beginning, this movie never lets up in the unintended hilarity. Daniels is a bounty hunter now, but he was a cop until about four years previous when he had a bad run in with the serial killer he was chasing. Now, the serial killer has been gone, but still haunts Daniels' waking hours and his dreams. He sees a psychiatrist, and the exchanges between the two are pretty funny. But I think they were supposed to come off as serious. Unfortunately for our hero, the serial killer has resurfaced, and he must team with his old cop buddy to solve the case before more hookers die. Daniels walks around with this Cowardly Lion mane of long hair and is usually dressed like he just got back from the gym and the director just said "Whatever! Start rolling!" In fact, this entire movie looks like some bad super 8 project for a community college film class, and Daniels was trying to pad his resume.

This film was made to showcase two things: flying fists and feet, and hooker boobies. Lots of 'em. And it delivers. It is trashy, but naively charming at the same time for some sick reason. You get to see a lot of sensual massage practitioners meet their demise with their breasts hanging out, and that's not too shabby. Even though it was tedious at times, I can't call this all that bad. The action, though primitively choreographed and shot, wasn't too bad, and Daniels and some of his co-stars can definitely move.

I wouldn't recommend this unless you're a Daniels completist, or a total masochist. I enjoyed this for what it was, but that doesn't mean you will. I think 'Full Impact' is one of those movies you can only enjoy if bad movies are "in the blood," so to speak. You really need to be acclimated to them. There is better Gary out there (I promise!), like 'White Tiger' and 'Firepower.'

'Guaranteed On Delivery (G.O.D.) (2000)

Here's a prime example of priorities being out of whack. You have Oliver Gruner and Jahlal Merhi in the same movie. Oliver Gruner is a very good martial artist- he's after all, a former French marine, champion kickboxer, and for 120 bucks, you can have one hour of personal fitness training with him-, and a convincing leading man. Jahlal Merhi looks and talks more like the guy behind the counter of your local Iranian convenience store or Jewelry shop (Merhi is a a jeweler in real life), a guy who has zero discernible martial arts skills and looks like he sleepwalks through his lines. Who do we cast in the lead? Jahlal Merhi, of course.

For the "normies" out ther, Jahlal Merhi and Oliver Gruner are two of the original poor man's Jean Claude Van Dammes (in Merhi's case, he's also known somewhere as "Beirut's Steven Seagal" LOL). To team up these two titans of DTV cinema had to happen eventually, and it does, here in 'G.O.D.' and the Circuit movies. Where could you go wrong pitting these formidable opponents- the French kickboxer turned personal trainer and the Iranian jewelry store owner turned movie producer? Unfortunately, the results are anything but 'Point Break' explosive.

Merhi plays Ray Stanton. Ray used to be a cop in his country, but the movie opens with him lamenting to his wife about how he has been forced to be a security guard now. His wife really wants to bring him a tuna fish sandwich at work, and she gets killed in the gun fight at the beginning of the movie by Gruner and his boys. Because of the chaos, David Carradine has to take Rays gun. Flash forward five years later, Ray has started a delivery company called Guaranteed on Delivery (G.O.D.). He is hired by the very same goons who killed his wife to unknowingly transport this model chick Gruner has stuck in a trunk to her human slavery ring buyers. He finds out the truth, gets the chick out and delivers a tree trunk instead. Now, along with Carradine's help, Merhi has to get the girl to safety before Gruner figures out the switch and delivers a beat down on their sorry asses.

I complain about Merhi being the lead, but I can sort of (only sort of) understand it. Despite being a former French cop, his character is supposed to be an everyman of sorts. After his wife's death, Ray now- literally- lives in a van down by the river because "roots hurt like hell" when he's lifted out of them. He also banks at the local urine stained tunnel because "locals think it's haunted," wisely keeping his rolled up hundreds in a coffee can in a hole in the wall of the tunnel. I haven't seen a Merhi film in years, and this garbage is permeated with his sense of humor. Now I'm starting to remember how bad 'Fearless Tiger' was back in the day. Repressed shitty movie memories come back to haunt me.

This is just bad, guys. I mean, it makes 'Tiger Claws III' look astounding in comparison. For a DVD that has three guys with heavy firepower on the cover, there are maybe two weak shoot-outs the whole film. The rest is weakly choreographed fist fights sprinkled here and there all from Merhi himself. There are lots of people who don't believe Jahlal is trained in martial arts, and I'm almost prone to believe them after watching this.

If you're a David Carradine fan, he's only here for maybe 15 minutes tops (in his defense though, he wanted Merhi to finish up the bad guys quickly so they "could have a nice, quiet lunch" WTF?). He plays Merhi's boss from the security agency, and the vacant, "gimme my paycheck already" look he has on the dvd cover and menu says it all. The chick Gruner is trying to sell into human slavery, Justine Priestley, is pretty, but she doesn't do much either. There's a mildly amusing scene where she has to interrogate a baddie with bolt cutters or something, but nothing else.

Again, Oliver Gruner is the bad guy in this; a likable one, I'll give you that, but he's only in maybe four scenes, and he doesn't use any of his martial arts skills. You don't hire Gruner to talk, you hire him to be a freakin' cyborg and kick people! But Merhi produced this, so he's the lead. Look kids! You too can be a martial arts star, just start your own jewelry business and put up the money for your own films. To be fair, Gruner was hilarious in this, having the best line in the film: "We're gonna find her, find him! Recover the money... And STOP USING THE YELLOW PAGES!" He wasn't given too much to do, except be a suave Eurotrash artist who hires his younger, more academically promising, brother to work with him to get through school.

This is one of the most non-action "action" films I've ever seen. Never mind the various plot-holes and bad pacing (how could Merhi have come face-to-face with Gruner at the bank shoot out five years earlier, and yet fail to recognize him when hired to transport the cargo and not have anything snap in his mind until the last ten minutes of the movie?). Avoid at all costs, go watch 'Nemesis' or 'Tiger Claws' again. It could've been explosive with two of the original poor man's Van Dammes in the same movie, but falls flat (much like the Circuit movies). On second thought, just go watch 'Stone Cold' if you want GOOD bad action.