BLOODFIST V: HUMAN TARGET (1993)

This is one of the most enjoyable, well-done of the Bloodfist series. I'm a big Wilson guy, and a big proponent of the idea that the first three Bloodfist movies are classics on equal footing with anything JCVD or Seagal were putting out at the time. This isn't as good as the first three, but it's the best the series got before the last three entries messed everything up.

Continuing the paradigm set up in the fourth entry, this one sees Wilson as a guy who can't trust anybody but himself, and needs to save the day from some international intrigue or threat.

There have been some abysmal, unbelievably shitty sequels in this franchise, but one thing the Bloodfist movies always delivered on was well-crafted action scenes, and this has a lot of 'em. Donny doesn't know who to trust, so he's fighting all sides most of the duration of the film, taking some time out to chill with the oh-so-fine in an early 90s kind of way chick Denice Duff.

I guess this is Wilson's version of Hard to Kill, because he plays a guy named Jimmy Stanton (or is he?) who is shot in the head at the beginning, and doesn't know if he's on the side of the good guys or the Chinese mafia baddies. Denice Duff is "Candy," a hooker (or is she?) who, after meeting Wilson for five minutes (three of which involve a fist fight in a garage), agrees to help him find out his identity.

This may be shocking to some, but I really felt that if this had a bigger budget, and actors who could "act," this would've been a good theatrical release. There are some familiar faces from tv land here: one of the guys from Mad TV shows up as a guy working at a jewelry store, and Babu from Seinfeld is an illegal arms dealer trying to buy some stolen plutonium from the Dragon. The chick is not too bad as far as eye candy goes, and she's not too annoying either, so it gets a thumbs up for that.

This movie has the distinction of being the last movie Steve James made before he tragically passed away. He's only in a few scenes, to tell the truth, but he's still good here. He plays a pimp (or does he?) of some sort. He doesn't go all out and Curtis Jackson on anybody's ass (he does, however, almost go Fargo on Wilson's ass), but I can understand the guy was going through some stuff. I'm surprised I liked this as much as I did when it first came out. A nice movie to watch with the equally entertaining Bloodfist IV: Die Trying.

SKIN FLICK DIARIES: The Showgirl Murders (1995)

A NOTE: I've decided to change things up a little bit, add some variety, if you will. I'm not always all about music (although music is a lifesource, like food, for me), and a big part of me is my love for obscure, weird, and sometimes just plain bad, movies, often of the direct-to-video or cult variety (Hong Kong, Thai, Korean, Mexican, foreign in general). Therefore, I've added three new categories to my usual music/live concert review format: SKIN FLICK DIARIES will cover the trashier, late night fare that inevitably goes with cult cinema- this will, in the coming weeks and months, probably focus mostly on my love of those old Maria Ford flicks. As I get more time, I will explore the genre here more in depth.

HONG KONG DANGEROUS allows me to delve into my favorite type of cinema: that from Hong Kong. I've grown up with Hong Kong movies since I was 8-9 years old, and have fond memories of hunting down obscure HK flicks @ video stores like I Luv Video, ordering from little dive video/fish stores in San Francisco's China town, and dragging my parents and friends to the local college's theater and weekly HK midnight showings @the local theater where I eventually worked, where HK films were shown regularly. Seeing 'Armour of God II', 'Police Story,' 'The Killer,' 'Wing Chun,' etc YEARS before Jackie came back to America with 'Rumble' (and movies like 'Crouching Tiger' and 'The Matrix' made HK film and its style Hollywood mainstream) left a permanent impression on me, and I hope that enthusiasm comes across in the reviews.

Finally, CyberPunk Babylon- originally intended to review the Nemesis films of Albert Pyun (which I will get around to doing some day), I am going to turn into a semi-regular thing as well, showcasing my love for dystopian sci-fi like, well, the 'Nemesis' films, Cyborg, and anything else I feel carries elements of the fictional millieu honed and perfected by William Gibson. But enough of my yappin', let's boogy.

'Showgirl Murders' is a tongue-in-cheek erotic thriller starring Maria Ford (Angel of Destruction, Strip Teaser, Ring of Fire II) as Jessica Cross, a sexy, mysterious stripper expert in the arts of manipulation, murder, and... Ummm, stripping. Although it comes with a pedestrian plot lifted straight out of a Lifetime tv movie, this is another of Roger Corman's trashy C grade gems.

The story is simple: black widow with a shady past walks into the lives of a married couple on the skids. Black widow starts out innocently enough as waitress, gradually becomes stripper, makes bar lots o' money. Black widow moves in on husband, taking advantage of wifey's huge alcohol problem. Conspiracies abound involving murder, insurance money, and badly lit sex scenes. Black widow's shady past catches up with her initiating more manipulation, murder, and badly lit sex scenes. C grade comedy gold is the result.

Maria Ford did great in this, as always. Back when I was a teenager, she was one of the IT girls for me in DTV land. She had this "skanky hot" quality that I just found irresistable. Out of the gate, it's off the chain. She poisons her boyfriend, hits the road, and a myriad of B cup strip action (along with a nice nipple ring Ford acquired somewhere) and over the top Ford diva faces are shown on screen, as our anti-heroine makes it to our hapless bar-owner couple on the rocks, Mitch and Carolyn.

The actors who play Mitch and Carolyn (Matt Preston and D.S. Case) I haven't seen anywhere else, and I can only guess this is the only movie they've done. The husband is a typical louse thinking with his piece and not his brain, and the booze hound wife provided many laughs. The film's explanation for why she's such a drunk is typical: she ran over a kid on her way to the bar's grand opening (!) I also enjoyed the scene where she got all drunk and tried to strip before falling off the stage and bashing her head on a table.

Speaking of the strip scenes, they're aplenty in here, so you won't be disappointed if that's what you're looking for.The strip scenes become increasingly darker and more S&M in feel as the movie progresses, I guess reflecting the dark underbelly Mitch is descending into with Jessica. I couldn't help chuckling through the opening credits, because they list the strip scenes as "choreographed and costumed by Maria Ford." Who is this lady? Jean Claude Van Damme or something? I guess the strip scenes here are akin to the fight scenes in a Van Damme movie now. In that case, 'Showgirl Murders' is the stripper equivalent to 'Kickboxer.'

The movie's title is obviously a cash-in on the notoriety (I wanted to say success, but was it?) of 'Showgirls,' an equally campy film that came out the same year. Both films feature chicks with a shady past, but I think Maria Ford definitely outdid Elizabeth Berkley in the camp department. The only drawback here is that there is no Gina Gershon equivalent for our anti-heroine to feud with.

I can't really recommend this unless you're a big fan of bad movies. If you're looking to watch another 'Slum Dog Millionaire' this ain't it. However, if you want to see Maria Ford do what she does best (strip, act badly), you can't do any better than this, or maybe 'Angel of Destruction.' I'd say this movie blows 'Showgirls' and 'Striptease' out of the water. But like I said, I like Brian Bosworth movies and my idea of great cinema begins and ends with 'American Ninja II.' Still, 'Showgirl Murders' is a fun movie for those willing to think outside the movie theater box.